25
- Admin
- Feb 7, 2018
- 4 min read
25 is the number of months its been since my total thyroidectomy for thyroid cancer. It's also the number of pounds I have gained since! It didn't happen all at once and I tried telling myself that it was because of the surgery, because of the move we did three weeks later, because of being out of my own home and living with gracious family for a year and a half, because I didn't feel good, because there wasn't a gym. I made every excuse in the book. Now granted, some of those excuses were actually true, but I let them defeat me. I let myself listen to the negative instead of turning it into a positive. Each of those excuses could have had a very powerful positive attached to it.
- Because I had surgery: Yes, and because of that surgery I now don't have a 4 cm. tumor growing on my thyroid! I get to live each day without the "what if's".
- Because we moved three weeks later: Although it was a very valid excuse for why I wasn't working out at the time, I needed to look at the blessing of being able to put faith in God and in my husband and make such an amazing leap in that career change.
- Because of being out of my own home and living with family: I without a doubt have the most amazing family in the world! My in-laws didn't just open up their home to my family of 5 for a short time. They built 2000 extra square feet for us and let us stay for a year and a half! I could have utilized that in a much better way than I did.
- Because I didn't feel good: I definitely had my days where I did not feel good. I never knew exhaustion until living without a thyroid. You definitely have good days and bad. Of course that is true of everyone. I let myself get defeated because I wasn't up to the level I was before with my workouts. I had a why bother attitude. I should have done what I could and been proud of that.
- Because there wasn't a gym: This excuse makes me the most mad at myself! I remember starting a mom's bootcamp class because there wasn't a way for us moms with young kids to make it to the gym on base. There was no provided childcare. The whole class was done without weights. It could be done in any living room. I let myself listen to that excuse and believe it when a few short years before I was creating solutions to that very problem for many people.
I didn't just let go of the workouts I once loved and craved. I let go of my diet in a bad way as well. Eating has always been something I loved doing, but before I had figured out how to balance my everyday eating with my indulgent eating in a very healthy way. Over these past 25 months I have lost all of that.
My question with this particular post is; how many others have fallen victim to these internal defeatist voices? How many of us feel we've fallen too far? That we can't get back to where we once were. Not just in a health and wellness standpoint. The defeatist voices can attack us on any aspect of life. Home life, work life, relationships, finances, etc. I want to shout ENOUGH! Problem is, I don't feel as strong as I was before. (That statement is true on so many levels.)
In my recent bible study, 'The Best Yes', by Lysa Terkeurst I am slowly learning how to listen to the internal voice shouting ENOUGH and push out the defeatist voices telling me I've fallen to far to make my way back. In her words, Knowledge is wisdom that comes from acquiring truth. Insight is wisdom that comes from living out the truth we acquire. Discernment is wisdom that comes from the Holy Spirit's reminders of that knowledge and insight. This can apply to so many areas in our lives as women, wives, daughters, mothers, friends, Christians. A friend posted this bible verse the other day and it hit me hard. "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied" Proverbs 13:4. How can this verse and the previous statement on knowledge, insight, and discernment apply to your life? How can it help you shout ENOUGH?
For me I have to scream enough to those voices telling me I've fallen to far from my once personal trainer lifestyle. I have to realize that I may not make it back to 130 pounds and a size 4 because of not having my thyroid and the true barriers it has, but that it's not an excuse. Living life the way I want to live it means being healthy, feeling comfortable in clothes, having energy. It's not tied to a specific number on the scale or on my clothing tags. I have true and attainable goals. I'm starting out small, I'm not reaching for the moon just yet. I've figured out that I can't jump back into squatting 135 pounds! I've started with some body weight exercises and I will build from there over time. Maybe I'll squat 135 pounds again and maybe I won't. Either way, I know I'll be happy and I'll know I've overcome the defeatist voices and finally screamed ENOUGH!